Aggression

Li Xian sat there for quite a while.

She asked, “Are you feeling unwell?”

“It’s not me.”

“Oh...” After a brief pause, she asked again, “That girl who was with you just now... is she a friend?”

Bai Ruo’s tone was flat. “More or less.”

More or less. Did that mean friend, or something even closer than a friend? Li Xian couldn’t be sure, and she had no right to ask any further.

“She left?” Li Xian asked.

“Mm.”

Li Xian couldn’t figure out what Bai Ruo was thinking. If she wasn’t sick, why was she still waiting here?

Was she waiting for me?

“Do you want to have a meal together later?” she asked boldly.

She waited, faintly hopeful.

Bai Ruo was silent for a moment before standing up. “Li Xian, there’s no need for that between us.”

After returning to Jingsheng, Qin Qingyan had wanted to keep the Yan family for at least one meal. Over this time, she had come to feel that the gap between Yan Yue and her family might not be impossible to bridge; it would just take time.

The Yan family was naturally willing, but when they looked to Yan Yue, Yan Yue gave no response, so they politely declined.

They had only come along because they were worried about Yan Yue. Now that she was safely home, and with Qin Qingyan there as well, there was nothing left to be uneasy about.

Qin Qingyan saw them to the elevator.

Song Shuxiao held Qin Qingyan’s hand. “If you need anything, just let us know. In the days ahead, you’ll have to work hard.”

“Mm, I will.”

Yan Yue sat on the sofa watching TV while Qin Qingyan bustled around the kitchen making lunch. It wasn’t the first time they’d had a scene like this, yet this was the first time Yan Yue had felt something other than simple warmth.

She didn’t care what was on the television. All she could hear were the sounds drifting from the kitchen behind her, each one slowly unsettling her mind.

When the food was set down on the coffee table in front of her, Qin Qingyan smiled and served her some soup, then handed it over.

Yan Yue took it with a smile of her own.

Qin Qingyan sat cross-legged on the rug. “It’s chicken soup. I learned how to make it recently. Try it and tell me how it tastes.”

Meeting her expectant gaze, Yan Yue scooped up half a spoonful, drank it, then nodded and looked at Qin Qingyan with approval.

Qin Qingyan smiled with satisfaction.

During the meal, Yan Yue glanced at her several times. Seeing that she seemed to be in a good mood, Yan Yue hesitated again and again, as if she wanted to say something but held back. It wasn’t until after the meal, when Qin Qingyan was massaging her legs, that Yan Yue finally spoke.

“Qin Qingyan, rehabilitation is uncertain. It might take a long time. Your work has already been delayed a lot because of me; you finally got to where you are now, so don’t give it up lightly,” Yan Yue said.

Qin Qingyan could tell what she meant. Her hands kept moving as she continued the massage, silent and saying nothing.

“I can take care of myself just fine in daily life. If there’s really anything I can’t do, I can hire someone to help... don’t be willful.”

Anger rose in Qin Qingyan’s chest, and her hands unconsciously tightened. Yan Yue didn’t notice at all. Realizing that, Qin Qingyan felt only bitterness and gently rubbed the legs beneath her hands, legs that had no sensation at all.

“It hasn’t delayed me that much. I could start from zero and get to where I am now, and I can start from zero again if I have to.”

“Acting is different from other work. There are too many variables. Don’t take that risk.”

Qin Qingyan stopped and looked at Yan Yue. Their eyes met. After a long silence, Qin Qingyan lowered her head and went on massaging her legs.

“...Mm.”

All evening, Qin Qingyan remained quiet. Aside from what was necessary, she didn’t say a single extra word. When it was time to sleep, Yan Yue lay there with her thoughts churning, while Qin Qingyan, after getting into bed, fell asleep at once. Whether she was really asleep or pretending to be was unimportant; Yan Yue could tell Qin Qingyan was angry.

The room wasn’t completely dark, and the shapes around them were still faintly visible.

Yan Yue turned her head to look at Qin Qingyan. She seemed truly asleep, breathing evenly, especially quiet.

Qin Qingyan had a gift for acting; that talent shouldn’t be wasted. A person could only truly live out the full brilliance of a short life on the stage that belonged to them. Qin Qingyan should have that kind of life.

And Yan Yue herself didn’t want to become anyone’s burden, even if the other person was willing. She thought that maybe because she had nowhere to go and could only sit there, she was even more likely to start overthinking.

She shifted slightly, lifted a hand, and touched Qin Qingyan’s smooth face, her fingers brushing lightly over the sharp lines beneath the skin. She had lost a lot of weight.

Qin Qingyan opened her eyes. There was no trace of sleepiness in them. She took the cool hand on her cheek and placed it against her own neck, then turned onto her side and looked quietly at Yan Yue.

Yan Yue wasn’t surprised. She simply looked back at her.

After a moment of silence, Qin Qingyan’s expression changed several times. Then she suddenly leaned forward and found Yan Yue’s lips with perfect precision, kissing her softly. Yan Yue did her best to respond.

That small movement made Qin Qingyan lose control. Along with the anger she had been holding all day, she rolled over, caught Yan Yue’s hand, braced her chin with one hand, and poured everything into a kiss that grew increasingly fierce.

Yan Yue could only accept her anger passively, not resisting, and kissed her back in an attempt to soothe her.

The kiss moved from her lips to her neck. Qin Qingyan bit down hard at the hollow of Yan Yue’s collarbone, grinding her teeth back and forth, leaving behind a mark that seemed like a beast claiming its territory.

She lifted the pajamas and kissed upward from Yan Yue’s lower abdomen, stopping at a faint red spot. Her tongue flicked lightly there; each teasing touch made Qin Qingyan feel the shiver running through the body beneath her.

What Yan Yue had said today had hurt her. She liked Yan Yue’s reason, and she hated it too. This wasn’t the first time Yan Yue had tried to push her away. So now, Yan Yue should be taught a lesson.

Qin Qingyan suddenly thought of something and gave a purposeful little laugh. Her fingers slipped downward, and it was wet.

Yan Yue shuddered almost at once, clutching the already rumpled bedsheet. Qin Qingyan made no further move, kissed her lips again, and when it ended, whispered in her ear, “If you can feel this, then it means it can be done. Try pushing me away again if you dare.”

After saying that, Qin Qingyan gathered Yan Yue into her arms and rubbed her shoulders with evident satisfaction. Yan Yue still hadn’t fully come back to herself, and the heat in her body was gradually fading.

Only after she had completely calmed down did she realize: when had Qin Qingyan become so aggressive?

Perhaps by coincidence, perhaps on purpose, when Bai Ruo went downstairs for a walk she ran into Li Xian’s father and mother again. After hearing why they had come, she decisively chose to side with them.

“I know. Back then, we were in the wrong, and now we have no right to say that you can forgive us just because we ask you to.” Li Xian’s mother took out a document bag she had prepared long ago. “These are things we investigated. Maybe they can keep the misunderstanding between you and Ah Li from going too deep. As for anything else, we can’t interfere anymore.”

Li Xian’s father and mother said nothing more. After a sigh, they left.

Bai Ruo looked at the bag in her hand. It was quite heavy, as if it contained a lot.

Resolve the misunderstanding?

Once again, the scene from Li Xian’s wedding day flashed through her mind. What kind of misunderstanding, what kind of hardship, could make someone turn a blind eye to the suffering of the person they loved?

Was it really just a misunderstanding? Or was it a backup option that had been summoned whenever needed and cast aside whenever not, after all that back-and-forth suffering?

With a blank expression, Bai Ruo tightened her grip on the bag, glanced at the nearby trash can, walked over, and threw it in without hesitation.

She didn’t need explanations that had already gone stale.

She didn’t know whether it was because of what she had said yesterday, but aside from the morning, Yan Yue had already gone a whole day without seeing Qin Qingyan.

That was what she had said, but now that Qin Qingyan really wasn’t beside her, the whole living room felt empty. So she had already come to rely on Qin Qingyan this much.

Pressing the armrest button, the wheelchair rolled toward the sofa.

Yan Yue tested her strength. After losing the use of her legs, the strength in her hands had actually increased quite a bit. She braced herself on the armrests and tried to stand; she forced all the strength she could into her legs, but she still couldn’t feel a thing. Her legs had become things hanging from her body, even a burden.

She tried several times and still couldn’t move at all. After supporting herself for too long, her arms gave out and she sank back into the wheelchair.

Yan Yue panted lightly, staring at her lifeless legs, her eyes growing darker and darker as a sick, uncontrollable feeling welled up inside her.

For example, taking a knife and cutting her leg open, or smashing a cup against it.

She forced that feeling down, took a deep breath, and drank a cup of cold tea. Only then did she feel a little calmer.

What was wrong with her? It was only that her legs might be paralyzed; why was she becoming so unlike herself?

There was movement at the door; Qin Qingyan had come back.

Qin Qingyan washed some fruit and set it on the coffee table. Catching sight of the thin sheen of sweat on Yan Yue’s forehead, she understood what had happened. Bending down, she picked Yan Yue up, knelt on one knee on the sofa, and gently set her down.

“You...”

“I’ve been contacting people about work. The endorsement matters have basically all been handled too. I’ll be a little busy these next few days, but I still have time to cook for you, so there’s no need to hire an auntie.” Qin Qingyan didn’t even look up. She skillfully rolled up Yan Yue’s loose trouser legs and helped move her legs.

“Mm.”

Qin Qingyan looked at her. “Su Su has time lately. I asked her, and she’ll come over tomorrow. If you need anything, you can tell her.”

Yan Yue said nothing. Qin Qingyan was strange today.

All day, Qin Qingyan had been thinking about things related to Yan Yue, and she finally found the answer in a song: the favored are always the ones who act with no fear.

So Yan Yue kept pushing her away again and again without considering her feelings at all. But clearly, Qin Qingyan had her own worries too. She had been able to overcome them and choose Yan Yue firmly; why couldn’t Yan Yue do the same?

Maybe she should be a little colder toward Yan Yue.

After cooking, Qin Qingyan stayed and ate with Yan Yue. Then she went straight into the kitchen to wash the dishes; after that, she seemed ready to leave. As she dawdled along, she caught sight of the vacuum cleaner in the corner and, under Yan Yue’s confused gaze, spent nearly another hour cleaning the room from top to bottom.

She glanced at the wall clock; it was only a little past seven.

She turned into the bathroom for a shower. Instead of using the washing machine, she stubbornly washed clothes by hand for more than half an hour, wringing them out again and again until they couldn’t possibly be any drier before hanging them up. By the time she was done, it was already past eight.

Yan Yue could vaguely see through Qin Qingyan’s thoughts.

When Qin Qingyan was looking around and slowly getting ready to leave, Yan Yue stopped her. “I want to wash my hands.”

Qin Qingyan raised an eyebrow. Without expression, she quickly walked to the sofa, picked Yan Yue up, set her in the wheelchair, and pushed her to the bathroom.

After washing her hands, Yan Yue seemed to remember something. “The hand soap.”

Qin Qingyan handed it to her and watched as she washed her hands again. Qin Qingyan thought that if this had been before, she would have taken care of everything herself.

Serves you right for making me angry.

Yan Yue washed her hands very slowly. Qin Qingyan’s gaze stayed on her the whole time. Foam clung to her pale, slender fingers, and for a moment it was impossible to tell which was whiter.

So beautiful. Qin Qingyan’s lips curved before she could stop them.