Allergy

After returning home, Yan Yue was, as always, reclining on the sofa with a magazine in hand. She wore thin-rimmed glasses; focused, yet alluring.

Qin Qingyan let out a long breath, set aside the jumble of thoughts in her head, and walked toward her with a smile. She lightened her steps and slipped over without making a sound. When she reached Yan Yue’s back, she bent down and glanced at the magazine in her hands.

“Red all over; that’s supposed to be a good sign, right?” she asked.

Yan Yue turned her head with a smile. “Mm. It means it’s going up. So, good news.”

Qin Qingyan smiled too. She studied Yan Yue’s profile carefully, thinking of what Song Shuxiao had said that afternoon; sympathy crept into her eyes. Yan Yue really was such a good person. Such a good person.

Noticing her unusual silence, Yan Yue asked, “What’s wrong today?”

After hesitating, Qin Qingyan told her about Song Shuxiao’s visit, doing her best to repeat everything Song Shuxiao had said to her.

Yan Yue was genuinely surprised after hearing it. She had never thought of deliberately hiding her relationship with Qin Qingyan; sooner or later, the Yan family would know. She had already imagined how they might react, and the lesson from when she was eighteen made her think the Yan family would not accept Qin Qingyan gladly.

But Song Shuxiao’s behavior surprised her. She couldn’t tell whether it was what people called maternal instinct at work, or whether the Yan family had truly changed.

Neither possibility was one she was willing to believe.

Yan Yue said nothing and went back to flipping through her magazine.

Qin Qingyan could clearly feel Yan Yue’s rejection of the Yan family. She sat down beside Yan Yue and took her hand; only after a long while did she speak. “Let’s not talk about the Yan family. It’s just strange. On the way back, I kept thinking, if it were paparazzi and they had gotten photos of us, shouldn’t they have exposed them immediately? Or at least used them to shake us down. If that were the case, they should have come to me, not sent them to the Yan family—and it wasn’t even for money.”

As Qin Qingyan voiced her suspicion, a guess slowly began to take shape in Yan Yue’s mind.

She said, “Did that person tell you that after I turned eighteen, things with the Yan family grew strained, and they did everything they could to stop my choices? Did they say exactly how they tried to stop me?”

Qin Qingyan fell silent, then shook her head.

Yan Yue gave a soft laugh. “In any case, it was quite a scene. Sending the photos deliberately to the Yan family was probably meant to put pressure on me again, or maybe even to get back at me. It could also be someone the Changyue side offended before.”

She looked at Qin Qingyan. Seeing that she still wasn’t speaking and was frowning, she lightly tapped Qin Qingyan on the head with the magazine. “Your brows are about to knot together.”

Qin Qingyan said, “You said you wanted to understand me. I want to understand you too.”

Yan Yue: “So?”

Qin Qingyan: “What happened when you were eighteen?”

Yan Yue said, “That won’t help you understand me much.”

“I want to know.” Qin Qingyan looked at her intently.

Yan Yue met her gaze; there was a complexity in her eyes, so many emotions mixed together. Yan Yue turned her head back and said casually, “It’s not important.”

“I—”

“Qin Qingyan.” Yan Yue cut her off. “I said it’s not important. Also, the Yan family... don’t keep bringing them up.”

She stood and went back to the room.

Qin Qingyan stayed frozen in the same posture, as if rooted in place. It took her a while before she finally looked toward the direction Yan Yue had left.

A few days ago, she had naively believed that Yan Yue wanted to understand her now; that their relationship was about to go one step further. She had been full of anticipation.

Only just now did she suddenly understand that, all along, Yan Yue had kept her guard up. The Yan Yue she could see was the same one everyone else could see; the other side of Yan Yue, the real one, was hidden behind the mask, and even she had been kept outside.

So after all this time together, maybe she still hadn’t even walked into the other person’s heart. How pathetic; how wretched.

If it had been any other day, she would have cheered herself up; so what if she was discouraged? She’d get up and keep going. But today, Qin Qingyan felt an exhaustion she had never known before. If she were standing, her body probably wouldn’t be able to hold itself up.

After closing the door, Yan Yue suddenly regretted the words she had blurted out earlier. But the words had already been said. She sighed, hesitating over whether to go out and explain, and how she was even supposed to explain.

The words “Yan family” were like a switch, stirring the part of her that resisted them most deeply. Even knowing that they had changed somewhat now, she still couldn’t accept it.

Taking a deep breath, she went out to find Qin Qingyan and explain herself; otherwise that child would definitely start overthinking again.

However, the living room was empty.

After leaving Jingsheng, Qin Qingyan went to find Bai Ruo. After hearing what happened, Bai Ruo took out several bottles of red wine she had stored for years and opened them generously.

Qin Qingyan tipped her head back and swallowed a big mouthful, her cheeks turning slightly red. She refilled her glass and drank again. The alcohol content wasn’t high, but since she had never drunk before, she quickly began to show signs of drunkenness.

Bai Ruo had long since lost count of how much she had drunk, but she still hadn’t gotten drunk. In the past, she had been terrible at holding her liquor, but now, after three glasses, she was still unnervingly clear-headed.

The two of them sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa, each thinking their own thoughts. Qin Qingyan seemed to have fallen asleep, lying on the table with her eyes half-closed. Bai Ruo happened to glance over; the haze of alcohol vanished instantly.

“Qin Qingyan?!” Bai Ruo called out. When she saw red blotches spreading across Qin Qingyan’s neck, she realized it at once: alcohol allergy!

“It itches...” Qin Qingyan said uncomfortably, reaching up to scratch herself. Bai Ruo hurriedly stopped her.

At the same time they took her to the hospital, Bai Ruo called Yan Yue.

The IV drip fell slowly drop by drop. Yan Yue asked about Qin Qingyan’s condition, then told Bai Ruo to leave first and let her take care of Qin Qingyan alone. Bai Ruo did not insist; the two of them clearly needed a chance to talk, so she left first.

Yan Yue sat beside Qin Qingyan, looking at the bright red patches on her skin. For a moment, she couldn’t even tell what she was feeling most strongly.

People said, “For her, one grows haggard and worn.” She and Qin Qingyan were not yet at that point, but looking back over these past few years, they had indeed gone through many twists and turns. They had had misunderstandings; they had lived apart for a time. But no matter what, at least she had never doubted that Qin Qingyan would keep being good to her.

Only this time, Yan Yue remembered that day Qin Qingyan had walked out of the room and looked at the empty living room. The panic and helplessness she had felt then began to frighten Yan Yue.

She really might have hurt Qin Qingyan.

If Qin Qingyan chose to leave, what would she do? Yan Yue asked herself. After a long while, looking at Qin Qingyan’s somewhat normal complexion, she thought that she would certainly be reluctant to let her go, but she would never try to hold her back.

Lowering herself to beg someone to stay was not something she would do.

But after Qin Qingyan woke up, she said nothing at all, as if nothing had happened. She still smiled and chatted with Yan Yue about trivial things as usual.

When Yan Yue went out to buy dinner and stepped away for a moment, the smile on Qin Qingyan’s lips turned into an unspeakable worry. She looked at the plain white wall and drifted off in silence.

Without Yan Yue noticing, she had already woken up, just as she had years ago, secretly watching the person so close to her. She knew this person in front of her was the reason she felt so hurt, and yet seeing her still made her feel thrilled; her heart would not lie to her.

She liked Yan Yue. She loved Yan Yue. She wanted to keep Yan Yue by her side as much as possible. So she couldn’t be angry.

Or rather, she didn’t dare be angry.

Still, after this incident, she understood something: Yan Yue did not want others probing her inner world and discovering her embarrassment and fragility. Then she would not cross that line; she would love her in her own way. Maybe one day, Yan Yue would be willing to open everything to her.

After dinner, Yan Yue tidied things up and threw them into the trash. The atmosphere fell silent for a while, so she stood up again, picked an apple, and took up a newly opened paring knife, intending to peel it.

“No need. I can’t eat anymore,” Qin Qingyan stopped her.

Yan Yue put the apple and knife back, then sat beside the hospital bed.

After a long while, she said, “This morning... I’m sorry.”

Qin Qingyan froze. Excitement flickered in her eyes, but she still said calmly, “It’s nothing, really.”

It wasn’t the answer Yan Yue had expected, and for a moment she didn’t know how to continue.

“It’s just a little temper, that’s all. Just a tiny bit.” Qin Qingyan held her fingers a little apart to show the amount. “But it’s okay. I love you.”

Their eyes met. Yan Yue looked away first; Qin Qingyan kept smiling and gazing at her.

“Qin Qingyan, the way you’re acting makes me feel like you’ve got the upper hand,” Yan Yue said.

Qin Qingyan replied, “There’s a lyric in a song: ‘The favored act without fear.’ I favor you.”

Yan Yue gave a soft laugh and said nothing.

Qin Qingyan went on, “But you don’t have to force yourself to change how you feel because of that. I want you to fall in love with me naturally. If you can’t, then it means I’m not doing enough, or that we really aren’t suited to each other.”

“Qin Qingyan,” Yan Yue said, “you’re so sincere with people. Aren’t you afraid of being let down?”

After thinking for a moment, Qin Qingyan said, “It’s like gambling. I might lose so badly I end up with nothing left, but I might also win it all. The reward for the latter is worth taking the risk for.”

Yan Yue smiled. If it were her, would she be willing to take that risk? Most likely not. She was far more cautious than Qin Qingyan. But she was grateful to have someone like Qin Qingyan in her life, and even more grateful that the person Qin Qingyan loved was her.

“Qin Qingyan, I need some time,” Yan Yue said.

“Okay. I’ll wait,” Qin Qingyan answered.

After resting for several months, Qin Qingyan threw herself back into filming. It was another film she was making with Nie Cong. During the shoot, many of the crew had also gradually met online the girlfriend Qin Qingyan people had been speculating about. Before long, photos of Yan Yue’s face could even be found online; she was wearing a mask, but it was still obvious she was striking.

On top of that, there were staff members frantically recommending her in the comments, praising how stunning she was in person, which only fueled countless new guesses.

One day, after dealing with the company’s affairs, Yan Yue drove to pick Qin Qingyan up from work. When she walked into the set, she saw from afar a female actor hugging Qin Qingyan from behind. Both of them were in character; the emotions in the scene were full and right on point.

Before long, Yan Yue had already returned to the car and sent Qin Qingyan a message saying she was waiting outside. The car was very quiet. The image of what she had just seen kept surfacing in her mind without warning; she took a deep breath, but it still wouldn’t go away. She pulled out a bottle of ice water and drank more than half of it in one go; she felt a little better after that.

It was just acting. Just acting. So why couldn’t she stop caring? Why did she care about something like this? Jealousy?

Yan Yue hurriedly denied it. She could not possibly be jealous. Besides, she understood very clearly that Qin Qingyan and that female actor were only filming; the plot required it, and there was no real emotional entanglement. What on earth was there to be jealous of?

She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself for a long while... no, she couldn’t calm down.