Closer to the Heart

Qin Qingyan quickened her pace; a fire seemed to burn in her chest, urging her on, filling her with restless impatience. She missed Yan Yue terribly—so much that she wanted to fly straight to Changyue at once.

Right now, she felt like a thirsty traveler desperate for water. She needed to see Yan Yue, even if it was only for a glance.

The distance was too great; she couldn’t wait. Giving in, or perhaps simply yielding to her own weakness, she took her phone from her bag, ready to make a video call. To her surprise, Yan Yue had already sent her a message. Holding her breath, she tapped open the avatar she had been thinking about all along.

Yan Yue: Where are you?

Her fingers trembled slightly as she typed back: I’m out. I’ll be back soon.

A reply came almost immediately: Send me your location.

Qin Qingyan did as she was told and sent it over.

She looked over the few short messages again and again as if they were treasures. Her heartbeat sped up. Was Yan Yue thinking of her the same way she was thinking of Yan Yue? Qin Qingyan was startled and delighted in equal measure; she found a clearly visible spot and waited eagerly for Yan Yue.

Less than five minutes later, she saw the familiar black Mercedes. She stood and walked toward the curb in small steps. Yan Yue saw her too; Qin Qingyan was sitting on a public bench, looking small and a little heartbreaking from a distance.

After leaving home and arriving at the company, Yan Yue still couldn’t settle down. Ye Bai noticed it too and didn’t intend to hide anything. After he told her everything, he analyzed it for her with the calm objectivity of an onlooker.

He said, “Qin Qingyan would be perfectly happy clinging to you all the time. If she’s mad at you, it definitely won’t be because you didn’t reply to her messages. Maybe there was something you didn’t know?”

She thought carefully for a while, then suddenly realized she had overlooked one person: Zou Yun. So she called Zou Yun and asked about that day, and whether she had said anything to Qin Qingyan.

Zou Yun teased her a couple of times and said, “What could I have said? She was right there when I called you. I even said, ‘This can’t be right. Your relationship can’t be so fragile that it can’t survive a little bump like this, can it?’”

On the way to Qin Qingyan, that sentence kept echoing in her mind. Over the years she had spent with Qin Qingyan, she was certain she had fallen in love with her; yet precisely because of that, she had begun to feel afraid.

Afraid that she wouldn’t get what she wanted.

All the way there, she kept thinking and thinking. The instant she saw Qin Qingyan, her tense heart suddenly settled. All that hesitation, all that pacing back and forth, vanished in an instant; it seemed nothing could ever separate them.

At that moment, Yan Yue thought this with complete certainty.

The car stopped. Qin Qingyan opened the door, got in, and fastened her seat belt. After hesitating for a moment, she turned to look at Yan Yue, and Yan Yue happened to be looking at her too.

“I...” they said at the same time.

Then they looked at each other and smiled; nothing more needed to be said. With the person you loved, sometimes an argument or misunderstanding didn’t need to be explained.

They drove to the supermarket together to buy snacks and ingredients.

The supermarket was tall and spacious, with an enormous daily flow of customers; people who came to take photos and check in made up about a third of them. Inside, every kind of goods was available; the common things were there, and the less common ones too.

Qin Qingyan pushed the cart while Yan Yue linked arms with her, the bend of her elbow resting against Qin Qingyan’s, and the two of them wandered at an unhurried pace. They didn’t have anything specific they wanted to buy; if they saw something they needed, they would put it in the cart.

“After what happened, I guessed you wouldn’t be angry just because I didn’t reply to you. But your mood really was off. Did I miss something?” Yan Yue asked, looking at her.

Qin Qingyan gave her a quick glance. “Actually... it was my fault.”

“Your fault?” Yan Yue frowned. “What did you do?”

Qin Qingyan’s face grew hot. She coughed softly and told Yan Yue the whole story from beginning to end, along with the little thoughts she had been hiding. Only then did she realize just how embarrassing it was to say all this out loud.

She scratched the back of her neck in an attempt to hide it; fortunately, with the mask on, her face was probably red as could be.

Yan Yue laughed for some reason and looked her over from head to toe. “Haven’t you heard the saying, ‘When husband and wife are of one mind, they can cut through metal’? Wouldn’t teaming up against an enemy be even more fun?”

Qin Qingyan blinked, still trying to work out what Yan Yue meant.

“If Zou Yun was deliberately trying to provoke you, you could have told me. I would’ve driven over in a roundabout way to pick you up, then deliberately passed right in front of her without stopping; I’d have stepped on the gas and gone straight home,” Yan Yue said.

Qin Qingyan gave her a thumbs-up, and the two of them laughed as they pushed the cart onward at a leisurely pace.

“How about steak for dinner tonight?” Qin Qingyan asked, picking up a package.

“Sure. Can you make it?” Yan Yue said.

Qin Qingyan picked out a few more packages and dropped them into the cart. “There’s nothing I can’t do.”

They continued deeper into the store, where there were far fewer people around. The two of them chatted while choosing things, taking nearly two hours before finally checking out, the cart piled high with all kinds of food.

Qin Qingyan carried the bags to the garage, put them into the trunk, then walked around to the front seat and fastened her seat belt again.

“Look at me,” she said, staring at Yan Yue, who was about to drive. Her eyes were hard to make out in the dim car.

“What is it?” Yan Yue said, turning her head.

Qin Qingyan glanced at the seat belt Yan Yue had already fastened, then unbuckled her own. Under Yan Yue’s puzzled gaze, she suddenly leaned over and kissed her; both hands cupped her ears as she kissed her slowly and deeply.

After a brief moment of surprise, Yan Yue closed her eyes, wrapped an arm around Qin Qingyan’s neck, and began to kiss her back.

Their breathing turned hot and ragged, and in the darkness the air grew even more charged with desire.

They parted slightly, eyes hazy, then kissed again. It was about ten minutes later before the black Mercedes finally rolled out of the garage.

When they got home, the two of them curled up on the sofa. Qin Qingyan lay on Yan Yue’s lap on her side, one hand supporting her head, and they watched a variety show together.

Yan Yue held a bag of snacks in her hand, eating a couple herself before feeding Qin Qingyan a few bites.

The TV was playing Our Life, the only variety show Qin Qingyan had ever taken part in. It had just reached the part where Qin Qingyan put down the fish she had been working on and went to help Xu Shushu carry things. The comments instantly multiplied, all of them shipping the CP in unison.

【Ohoho, the fish isn’t even done yet and this little couple just can’t wait one bit.】

【Qin Qingyan: What kind of program staff are you, making my wife do such heavy work! Where is the director!】

【No more words, let me raise a glass and leave a comment as my share. My CP is real!】

...

And so on; it was dazzling.

Qin Qingyan slowed the motion of her mouth, trying to make herself as inconspicuous as possible. She didn’t dare look up at Yan Yue and continued watching as if nothing had happened.

Not long after, on screen, Qin Qingyan was still dealing with the fish that hadn’t been cleaned properly when she turned her head by accident and saw Xu Shushu peeling beans alone. She immediately quickened her movements and efficiently finished the fish.

After washing her hands, she dried them and walked over to Xu Shushu, sat down, and helped peel beans.

The comments repeated the same scene all over again.

【Isn’t this basically conclusive proof? My CP is real, it has to be real!】

【Yu Qingyan was acting like she was dying over the fish, and she couldn’t even see the person right beside her; yet she noticed Xu Shushu from all that way off. How can that mean nothing?】

【In the eyes of someone in love, the whole world contains only one person. Wow, I’m jealous.】

Qin Qingyan reached to the side, wanting to find her phone to turn off the comments or quickly change the channel. It was rare enough to have a relaxing evening watching TV together, and yet it was still nerve-racking.

A pair of warm, pale hands came around from behind and lightly pinched her chin, turning her back.

Qin Qingyan was forced to meet Yan Yue’s smiling eyes. She gave an awkward smile of her own. “Actually, fans are all like this. They’re just shipping for the fun of it; it doesn’t really mean anything else.”

Yan Yue lowered her head and said, “Teacher Qin, tell me—what does ‘anything else’ mean? I don’t really understand. Please enlighten me.”

Qin Qingyan turned herself around and ended up lying on Yan Yue’s lap, her black hair falling loosely around her. She took Yan Yue’s hand from her chin and guided it to the side of her face.

“I’ve kept your words in mind the whole time. I kept my distance from Yu Qingyan, so I could step away whenever needed. Shushu is younger than me; I treat her like a little sister and look after her. I absolutely have no other thoughts whatsoever,” Qin Qingyan said.

Her gaze was sincere, her expression determined.

Yan Yue couldn’t help laughing, then lightly pinched Qin Qingyan’s cheek. After all this time, she believed Qin Qingyan; it was just that Qin Qingyan didn’t seem to know that, and so she was always overly nervous about how Yan Yue saw things.

“Do I look that angry?” Yan Yue asked.

Qin Qingyan shook her head. “I was afraid you’d overthink it. I was afraid you’d be upset.”

“I’m not that petty,” Yan Yue said, pinching her soft, smooth cheek again.

“You won’t get jealous?” Qin Qingyan asked seriously, frowning.

Looking into her searching eyes, and worried she might be disappointed, Yan Yue held up her fingers. “Maybe just this little bit.”

Sure enough, those eyes lit up at once, very satisfied, and then she said earnestly, “Don’t worry. There’s only room for you in my heart; there isn’t any space for anyone else.”

Yan Yue stroked her face. “I’m not stupid. I can tell truth from falsehood myself; you don’t have to keep worrying that I’ll misunderstand you. And if you ever have feelings, remember to tell me. I’ll do the same.”

The variety show was still playing, its lively and cheerful sounds drifting through the room. Qin Qingyan looked at Yan Yue, warmth filling her heart. How could such a wonderful person belong to her? The more she thought about it, the luckier she felt.

She wrapped her arms tightly around Yan Yue’s waist and buried her face against the other woman’s abdomen, breathing out slowly, the familiar scent soothing and reassuring.

Soon. In just a little over two years, she would turn twenty-three. By then, whether she won the Best Actress award or not, she would post on Weibo to make it official. She wanted to propose, then go abroad to register their marriage.

At the thought of it, her heart grew restless and impatient; she wanted tomorrow to be her twenty-third birthday, wanted to get married and register tomorrow. She drew in a deep breath and tightened her arms.

Yan Yue was six years older than her and had more things to consider, so she would endure it. Before they registered their marriage, she would not have sex with her; that way, Yan Yue would always be able to make any choice she wanted without any pressure.

Before bed, the two of them held each other and talked for a long while. As sleepiness finally crept in, Yan Yue shrank slightly under the blanket and leaned against Qin Qingyan’s chest. A hand slipped around her waist and drew her closer into its embrace. In her hazy state, Yan Yue herself didn’t even know what she had mumbled; her consciousness blurred, and at last she fell into a deep sleep.