Talking Things Through

When the elders of the Yan family learned that Yan Yue was willing to come home, they didn’t say much, but most of what they bought to eat were her favorites. Yan’s mother and the household cook had prepared the dishes in advance.

That day, they even gave the cook the day off.

It was nothing more than a simple family meal together.

Hearing movement outside, Yan Huan hurried over and opened the door, and sure enough, it was Yan Yue. Delighted, she called into the house, “Sis is here. I’m going to get her.”

Yan Yue had brought gifts with her, and Yan Huan grabbed them before she could, carrying them inside.

The TV was on in the living room. Old Master Yan sat on the sofa watching intently, while Yan Yicheng was helping Yan’s father and mother in the kitchen. After Yan Huan put the things away, she pulled Yan Yue over to sit on the sofa.

The coffee table was crowded with all kinds of fruit, already peeled or cut up.

“So you came home and still had to bring things,” Old Master Yan said. His tone held little real reproach; if anything, there was a faint note of pride.

Yan Huan thought her grandfather was about to make things difficult for Yan Yue again. But Yan Yue had only just arrived, and she and Yan Yicheng had gone to great trouble to get her to come back, so she hurried to smooth things over. “Sis, sis, have some fruit. It was just picked this morning; it’s really fresh.”

Old Master Yan glared at her. She’d been in the entertainment industry for so long, and still had no sense at all.

“Sis.” Yan Yicheng wiped the water off his hands on his apron, his smile bright. “You coming back is great. Mom and Dad won’t even let me help anymore.”

Yan’s father and mother knew Yan Yue was distant with them, but she still cared about her younger brother and sister. Letting Yan Yicheng come out was also so that Yan Yue would at least have someone to talk to for a while.

Yan Yue smiled, glancing toward the kitchen. The vegetables had all been washed and set aside; Yan’s father and mother were busy moving back and forth.

In her memory, this was the first time.

The three of them chatted casually outside, the atmosphere neither awkward nor lively. Before long, Yan’s father and mother brought out the dishes one after another and set them on the table.

The whole family sat around the table. Rarely, Old Master Yan didn’t bring up all sorts of tedious dining rules; he only told them to eat well.

Among everyone there, only Yan Huan didn’t have her own thoughts weighing on her mind. No one else wanted to be the first to break the silence.

“Sis, I want some dumplings; help me with one. I can’t reach it,” Yan Huan said.

Yan Yue served her one.

Then silence fell again. Because Yan Yue had agreed to come back, Song Shuxiao had been happy for a long time. She had carefully prepared all kinds of ingredients, and she also wanted to use this opportunity to ease the relationship between Yan Yue and the family.

Yet the meal was tasteless and perfunctory; hardly anyone moved their chopsticks. The husband and wife exchanged a look, both understanding what the other was thinking, and both unsure what would be best to do.

Yan Zhengqing was the first to speak; he asked Yan Yicheng, “Acheng, how’s the company been lately?”

“Pretty good. It’s been going fairly smoothly,” Yan Yicheng replied.

“Good. If you run into trouble, don’t forget you still have us,” Yan Zhengqing said, glancing at Yan Yue. “You’re a member of the Yan family. Not just anyone can bully you.”

Now Yan Yicheng understood too, and said with a smile, “Of course. Even now, Dad’s name still carries weight in every circle.”

Looking at the dishes on the table, Song Shuxiao suddenly thought of something. She picked up her chopsticks and, one by one, placed a piece of chicken in front of the three children.

“Thanks, Mom.” Yan Huan smiled sweetly, and Yan Yicheng smiled back.

She deliberately gave Yan Yue a larger piece of chicken. Uneasy inside, she still kept her expression natural, all the while watching Yan Yue’s side.

Yan Yue softly thanked her. Polite, but distant; she didn’t even include the word “Mom.” The piece of chicken in her bowl was eaten just like any other dish, without comment.

Song Shuxiao’s smile widened, and she felt unusually happy.

After the meal, Old Master Yan didn’t say anything else; he simply went to the sofa and started watching TV, something he usually had little interest in.

“Sis, stay over tonight. You haven’t lived at home in so long,” Yan Huan said expectantly as she peeled an apple.

Everyone’s ears pricked up.

Afraid Yan Yue would refuse, Song Shuxiao also looked at her and said at the right moment, “The room’s been kept tidy the whole time; it’s very clean. Staying one night won’t be a problem.”

After some hesitation, Yan Yue agreed.

That night, after everyone had gone upstairs to sleep, Yan Yue came down for a glass of water because she was thirsty. The wind outside was strong; even through the wall, it could be heard clearly.

She didn’t go back upstairs right away. Instead, she sat alone on the sofa, quietly thinking about something. Perhaps she was so absorbed that she didn’t notice anyone until footsteps approached behind her.

It was Song Shuxiao.

Yan Yue looked at her. After a moment’s hesitation, she still couldn’t bring herself to say that word. Song Shuxiao sat down beside her and asked, “It’s so late. Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Thirsty. Came down for some water,” Yan Yue said.

“Hot water, or?”

“Hot.”

Song Shuxiao relaxed. “Hot is good. Cold water hurts the body…”

That sentence tightened around her throat like a wire, leaving her unable to breathe. Back when Yan Yue was eighteen, what should have been a perfectly happy coming-of-age ceremony had ended up like that. After that day, Yan Yue had run a high fever for a long time, and it took nearly a week before it finally broke. Her body had been plagued with minor ailments ever since.

She was the least qualified person to say those words about hurting the body.

Mother and daughter sat together like strangers, each with her own thoughts. Song Shuxiao had not been back for a long time; when Yan Zhengqing came out looking for her and saw the two of them on the sofa, he hesitated, unable to step forward or retreat.

Sometimes he wondered why it was that he had made a good family into what it was now. If Yan Yue liked something, just let her have it; if she wanted to do something, just go along with her wishes. How simple that should have been.

And yet it was precisely those simple things that had made the family grow distant and cold.

When Yan Yue left, she saw Yan Zhengqing by the stairs. Father and daughter looked at each other; Yan Zhengqing seemed to want to say something but held back. As she passed him, Yan Yue gave a slight nod.

At that moment, Yan Zhengqing felt as if his heart had fallen into an ice cave. He stood there in a daze for a long time before coming back to himself, his eyes turning warm.

His daughter still blamed him.

After making money from acting, Qin Qingyan and Su Yan had moved into a new place. Compared with the cramped little rental of twenty or thirty square meters, a large flat of a hundred-odd square meters was simply too comfortable.

After showering, Qin Qingyan stood before the mirror and carefully examined the pendant at her neck. She gently touched the two English letters on it, and through them, thought of Yan Yue.

A warm lamp glowed by the bed. Qin Qingyan scrolled through her messages with Yan Yue, thinking of the talk they were going to have tomorrow, both excited and nervous. What if the result wasn’t what she hoped for? What was she supposed to do then?

It was already past ten. She didn’t know if Yan Yue had gone to sleep yet. Qin Qingyan wrestled with the thought; but even if she hadn’t slept, what was she supposed to say to her?

Restless, she let out a breath and simply turned off the light, lying down on the bed. Her mind was full of Yan Yue. She missed her terribly and couldn’t control herself at all.

After a long while, she suddenly thought of something and nervously tried to confirm it: on her birthday, hadn’t Yan Yue said something like, “Living alone for a lifetime is very boring”?

Her mind was crystal clear. Did that sentence mean Yan Yue had actually imagined their future too?!

Qin Qingyan rolled over excitedly, reached for her phone, found Yan Yue, and without the slightest hesitation sent a message.

【I’ll obey the law and follow the rules.】

Early the next morning, Yan Yue drove back to Jingsheng. From a distance, she saw Qin Qingyan waiting outside the residential complex, holding a large box. She was still wearing that brown hat and black mask.

Qin Qingyan saw Yan Yue too.

On the way upstairs together, Yan Yue kept stealing glances at Qin Qingyan several times, but said nothing. After they got home, Yan Yue first changed into a pure pink lounge set; she also pinned up her loose hair at the back of her head.

When she came out, she saw that Qin Qingyan had spread a large thin blanket across the living room, with all kinds of colorful building blocks piled on top.

Something in her heart stirred. At the amusement park, had Qin Qingyan noticed it?

“You bought this?” Yan Yue sat cross-legged on the blanket.

Qin Qingyan nodded. “The seller said that once it’s put together, it’s about fifty centimeters tall; it’s pretty big. I can’t finish it by myself, so I came to find you.”

She looked at Yan Yue with a brilliant smile. Today she had specially spent more than an hour doing delicate, light makeup; her hair had also been styled carefully, with her bangs slightly curled and a few strands falling at the corners of her eyes. That half-hidden, half-exposed effect was especially alluring.

“Take off your coat first; it’ll be inconvenient if it drags on the floor,” Yan Yue said.

Qin Qingyan took it off while standing up to put it on the sofa. Underneath was a red shirt tucked into black wide-leg pants. Yan Yue stared at her waist; the line was slender and graceful, just like the saying: the slender waist of a Chu palace beauty.

Then she immediately looked away, her expression a little unnatural.

The two of them sat cross-legged facing each other. Qin Qingyan said, “You said we’d have a proper talk today. Who goes first, you or me?”

“You first. I’m listening,” Yan Yue said, scratching her brow with her pinky.

“I like you. Not the kind of like between friends; the kind that wants to live together with you.” Qin Qingyan looked into her eyes and went straight to the point.

Yan Yue hadn’t expected her to be so direct; she had thought at least there would be some probing first. In this situation, she instead didn’t know how to respond.

“You don’t dislike me, right?” Qin Qingyan pressed.

“I don’t dislike you,” Yan Yue said.

“Then that means you like me?”

That kind of certainty startled her for a moment.

Yan Yue let out a breath and assumed the authority of an older woman, speaking seriously. “Qin Qingyan, you can’t get through a whole lifetime on liking alone. There are many other things to consider. Do you understand?”

Qin Qingyan understood. She had seen too many loving couples end up unable to recognize each other when they met again. Precisely because she had seen that, she found sincere feelings even rarer and the one she loved even harder to find.

In all their meetings and time together, it wasn’t as if she had never considered all sorts of reasons. But now she was very clear about what she wanted, and she was certain she could take good care of Yan Yue, so she wanted to try.

“You can try with me. If you think I haven’t met your standards, that I’m not enough for you to like, I’ll leave,” Qin Qingyan said seriously.

She didn’t know how to say it in the most appropriate way; she had no experience confessing, so she was all the more clumsy.

“I don’t doubt that you like me now, and I don’t deny that I like you too. But Qin Qingyan, you’re still young. No one knows how long true feelings can last. The most brilliant part of your life is still ahead of you. In a world full of dazzling flowers and willows, can you really stay true from start to finish?” Yan Yue said.

Seeing Qin Qingyan remain silent, she continued, “There’s a six-year gap between us. Six years isn’t six months. What I need right now is a stable relationship. From romance to marriage to old age, I want the person by my side to always be the same one. As for you now…”

“I can. I can do it.” Qin Qingyan stared into her eyes, earnest and resolute.

Yan Yue fell silent, suddenly unable to continue.

If Qin Qingyan had been a boy, perhaps she would have agreed. But both of them were women; this path was bound to be much harder than for others. What Qin Qingyan said at eighteen might be forgotten by the time she was twenty-three.

Not agreeing was being responsible to herself, and responsible to Qin Qingyan.

Qin Qingyan lowered her head and kept fiddling with a building block in her hand, saying nothing.

Yan Yue watched her hands, then shifted her gaze to her face. Her fallen bangs obscured her eyes; only the faint redness at the corners could be seen. Yan Yue quietly sighed.

“When you reach the age I am now, then we can talk about the future again, okay?” Yan Yue said softly.

Qin Qingyan still had her head lowered. Her voice was thick with strain. “What if you… what if you end up with someone else?”

Yan Yue couldn’t help smiling, but she understood Qin Qingyan’s unease.

“Then tell me, what should we do?”

Qin Qingyan looked up at Yan Yue, tears framing her eyes. “Try to like me as much as you can. I’ll be good to you. When I’m twenty-three, if you think I’m okay, then officially accept me, okay?”

“So you want a trial period?” Yan Yue said with a smile. The girl before her was wearing exquisite makeup, her eyes red at the corners; in truth, she looked very stirring.

Qin Qingyan looked at her, neither admitting it nor denying it.

Yan Yue picked up a few building blocks and started assembling them according to the instructions, then said casually, “Then you’ll have to work hard. There are quite a few pretty young things around me.”